Elul is the month that we open ourselves to the possibility of holiness and connection in preparation for Rosh HaShanah. Through our teshuvah, repentance, or turning, we attempt to repair what needs fixing.
This year I face the holiday with a broken heart, and it is hard to figure out how to begin. I do not know many who have not been impacted by the past 11 months, both in its tragedies and in the inspiring responses of so many directly impacted.
To help me deal with so much grief, I am using the practical and spiritual wisdom of three Rabbis and their kavanot on healing.
1. Loving
Rabbi Shai Held’s book, Judaism Is About Love, explains that love is foundational in Jewish faith. It animates the Jewish perspective on injustice, protest, grace, family, responsibilities to our neighbors and even our enemies.
I am working to affirm my love with my dear ones and the values important to me. This has been especially true with those who do not share political perspectives with me. When we continue to share meals and simchas, I remember all their goodness and kindness and then I remember the love I have for the whole complicated people they are.
2. Showing up
In Rabbi Sharon Brous’ book, The Amen Effect, she argues that the spiritual work of our times is to show up for each other in moments of joy and pain, vulnerability and possibility, and to invest in relationships of shared purpose.
I am working on saying yes to the commitment to my relationships and values unless I have a really good reason to say no. This past month when I was asked to be the Jewish presence at a family member’s deliberately unJewish funeral it was complicated for me to say yes but I did. And when I helped my cousin say kaddish at the cemetery I was surprisingly moved and I was glad I could be there for my family.
3. And finally, Embracing joy
Sharon Kleinbaum, Rabbi Emerita at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah, ended her retirement dvar torah with this prayer:
“Joy is an act of spiritual and political resistance. And repairing our broken world requires both fighting injustice and creating beauty.”
Guilt has accompanied me since October 7 as I am able to celebrate holidays, go on vacation, and live a normal life when so many are not. I have focused my weekly pre-Shabbat contact with the Israelis I love in sharing stories of connection, of summer corn, trips to the Bronx Zoo and family sagas. That has opened conversation to the joy my loved ones in Israel are finding in the midst of so much loss. I have found that very powerful.
Thank you, Rabbis Held, Brous and Kleinbaum for sharing your wisdom with me and thank you Ansche Chesed community for letting me be a part of your Elul journey.
I pray that all of us have a year filled with love and joy and the ability to show up for each other.
